Things have been ok for me except that I'm a zombie now. - Jonathan Coulton

This week has been an improvement to last week.  I have spent the entire week kicking it via the phone to my BFF.  I wish we lived closer.  However it is great to catch up.  Our roommate from college had a baby this week.  Of course we talked about all those "glory days" when we were at Auburn.  While I have to say that I am pretty high up on the happiness Richter scale these days nothing compares to those carefree days at Auburn.  Best times of my life. 

Speaking of good times at some point is all of our adult lives we have to start growing up.  Unfortunately that time is getting close for me awfully soon.  I have enjoyed all this Peter Pan time....now it is time to grow. 

My interest in life comes from setting myself huge, apparently unachievable challenges and trying to rise above them. Richard Branson

This is why it is fantastic to be a stepmom.  You listen to teenage girl angst.  You pay very close attention.  You nod your head solemnly and you smile like an ancient wise soul.  You place your hand under your chin as you ponder strife you could not imagine could occur to an upper middle class teenage girl.  Then you sigh and say with authority.  Go Ask Your Father. It is a fabulous power really.  I wish I could exercise it in all aspects of my life. 

SD had her first boyfriend last year.  Or perhaps crush is the better word.  It was obvious to me.  Here this little girl who I could barely get to take a bath with tears, threats, gnashing of teeth suddenly became exceedingly interested in her appearance.  It was a crush!  Of course the only thing that could change behavior like that would be a BOY.  Unfortunately this boy is unfantastic.  And I am so glad her interest in him has disseminated. 

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…no not Christmas.  The time when the munchkin goes back to school.  I love having her here, but I have to transition to my fall busy schedule.  No more of my summer lazy schedule. 

My bridesmaid dress came this weekend for my BFF Sally’s wedding.  Sally and I have been BFFs since 1995.  Fifteen years.  Oh my.  We met at Auburn when we were just munchkins ourselves.  After complaining to her that I am not feeling great lately, that I am struggling with some of my own personal demons.  She suggested that I go back to Auburn.  Pretend I am 18, rush my sorority again, and get our buddy Matt to make me a fake idea.  See this is why she is my BFF she always has the best ideas.  Unfortunately because of some of the events going on I may not be at the wedding.   We talked about it this weekend and she was so supportive of where my journey is.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Today I want to talk about Bey.  When I met Bey in October 2002 he was dating someone very seriously.  I was engaged.  We did not see one another again until February 2003.  By February 2003 I had called off my engagement and Bey had put his ex on the road.  Yet we still did not start dating.  In February, I met a fabulous man that was all wrong for me!  I had to spend some time pursuing that insanity.  Then came the inevitable break up.  Finally late May 2003 we went on our first date.  We have been together ever since. 

But that is not what I wanted you to know about Bey.  When I met Bey he was a lot of fun.  I was not ready to get married.  But he will tell you.  He knew I was it for him.  He pursued me with a dogged determination.  He came by my house and spoke of how he saw his future.  He urged me to talk about my future.  Eventually we started talking about our future.

Then we got married.  Marriage is a funny thing sometimes.  It takes two people that know each other pretty well (we had been dating a year and a half after all), and turns them into two strangers that now live in the same house.  I started my doctorate 10 short days after our wedding.  I like stress.  Kidding.  Although you would believe that is true if you watched a movie of my life Drew Barrymore should play me I think.  We had a miscarriage early in our marriage.  We had regular stress of bills, and adjusting to life in Mississippi.  Then I got sick.  We had to face down chemo and radiation. 

We moved to Arizona and we were separated for 5 months.  During all of this time, I may have been the rock in our relationship, but Bey has always been the foundation.  He loves me.  He loves me so much I can relax.  I can take deep healing breaths around him.

Lately with some of the things that have gone on not only have I needed my foundation I have needed a rock.  He has been all that and more.  I have to say that I appreciate him.  This blogs for you darling. 

Lord Chesterfield -, “Persist and persevere, and you will find most things that are attainable, possible."

Is this always the best path? Is this always the way to go. I have never not once in my entire life ever given up on anything that I wanted. Once I decide I want something it is as good as mine. I stalked the neighborhood I wanted to live in ran spreadsheets and data until I found the perfect house that we could afford. Then at the perfect time I pounced like a cat on my goal and I had the house.

Point 2 I fought Maricopa County. I sued them and won. I had the guy by the tail. Hours of phone calls and faxing, and I won. We settled out of court and they had to cover my fees.

Point 3 when I was coming home daily crying about my Ph. D. crying because my professor or even some of the other students were horrible male chauvinist pigs; I did not once falter. I did not once stammer. I kept going.
I fight till the death to get my way. But today I am faced with a crossroads. Actually I won’t be faced with this crossroad until Wednesday so I am sort of borrowing a bit from Wednesday’s crossroads, but I digress. Do I need to keep persisting and persevering? Or is it time to lay this burden down? When is enough… enough? And why oh why do I have to put my Faith on the line about something I have no control over.
Persistence Perseverance my two best friends are you the ones I should be listening to? Bey and I have been married over 5 years. On our fifth wedding anniversary I asked him to tell me five things about me that he cannot live without. The second thing he listed was my dogmatic pursuit of my goal.
So as I sit, looking around my beautiful home filled with beautiful things, and as I wonder and cry. Do I fight or sit this one out?

When the world says "Give Up," Hope whispers "Try it one more time."

I miss my ‘rents.  I live too far away from them.  It is hard sometimes not to resent Bey for moving me all the way over here to this city so far away from people that love me.  Of course Bey loves me, but I still miss the ‘rents.  Daddy just bought a new boat, and we had a fun taking the boat out on Lake Lanier.  My entire family likes to be connected to the water. 

Since my parents have retired I have gotten to spend lots of quality time with them.  It is so great to see them so relaxed.  I am so grateful that my parents were young enough to retire at 57.  It has allowed them to enjoy their retirement.  My mom and dad both are in good health and just are really enjoying their lifestyle. 

And then there is SD.  I took SD with me to Atlanta this week.  I came upon SD whispering conspiratorially with my mom.  SD was trying to convince my mom to let her stay in Atlanta until school starts.  I guess so.  If I was spoiled like SD over there I would want to stay too!  :)