Oh what is that feeling...oh right STRESS!

I wanted to go out of town for Labor Day. My handsome hubby has a conference and while I could have scooted over to Atlanta with him...I had some friends I wanted to see. I decided to go to El Paso and visit some of my girl friends. It has been a rough month for my El Paso crew. One of them is getting divorced, another one's dad died. All in all not a great August.

I am only allowed to go because I have made it a point to get all my work done in advance. So basically I have been putting in 14 -15 hour days for the last two weeks. This is just slightly more than my usual 12 hour days so I am not feeling the burn...yet. :)

Other than preparing for my visit with the girls I have been trying to reorganize my home. This house was used to operating with a 90 lb dog. I was not worried about anyone wanting to burgle our home. I wasn't worried about anything. However I am now 90lbs of dog lighter, and this big empty space and the big protection blanket I have operated under all these years is not here. I had the alarm system reinstated, and designed some other home safety features. I also packed away all his toys and balls. I have kept them over the past month as a comfort, but now they have to be put away.

School has started picking up causing me to stop focusing on anything but academics. In a sense it has been good because it required that I focus on something other than what was emotionally going on. I am now wondering why I thought taking 4 classes in the fall sounded like a good idea. It isn't in case you are curious, but at this point I am going to have to muddle through.

IPG

COLD!

We have been having a heat wave in Mississippi. It has been up over 100 for almost 3 weeks in a row. To add to that miserable 3 digit number it is about 100 percent humidity right now. You can imagine my surprise and dismay when yesterday my air conditioner made an odd sound. I had to leave to run a few errands. When I got back home I realized the AIR CONDITIONER WAS NOT WORKING. I called all the reputable air conditioner people in town. I was unable to get in touch with any that could see me yesterday. So I promptly packed myself and my dog and checked into the Hampton Inn. The house was 97 degrees at 11 AM. When the air conditioner person met me out at my house he showed me that a SPIDER had crawled in between where the electricity clicks on and electrocuted him. Basically a GIANT spider leg caused my air to cease operation. AWESOME.

That is the most ridiculous item of the day, so I will just go on and close there.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...I get lonely. I work from home. So although I enjoy the flexibility sometimes the walls close in on me. I have to get out. Einstein Brother's Bagels opened today on campus so I decided to scoot to campus and check it out. I love those days where everything just clicks into place. A friend of mine is in vet school. She is off for the next 2 weeks. She took me to breakfast at the bagel place. While on campus, I stopped by Handsome Hubby's office. I ended up getting invited to lunch.

As I have mentioned before...all of our friends are married. There are very few single people that would hang out with us. We are not that much fun for crazy singles. So lunch was in order with two couples that we are very good friends with. After lunch I snuck over to a paint my own pottery place. I painted my husband this adorable picture frame. All in all it turned into a great day. HOWEVER...I got ZERO ZERO work done.

Sometimes....I get hung up in being perfect. Being a PhD Student often means redefining yourself DAILY. I used to be a PERFECT student. These days I try to just be an all right student. I still get on the perfect student roller coaster on occasion. A friend of mine called me crying. She was ready to quit school after 4 days of a Ph.D. program. Unfortunately I can identify. I know what she is going through. I know how difficult it can be. When she asked me how I did it...I just recall a dogmatic optimism that I promised I would get myself through. No matter what...I wasn't going to back down. She seemed shocked that that was my answer. I worry about her. I am concerned she won't make it.

Sometimes....I just have to quit worrying about everyone else. I just gotta worry about me. And TONIGHT...I need to go to bed.

And somewhere he runs free...

This morning I had set up an embassy in the dining room. I work from home, and while I would like to only work in the office it just doesn't work for me. My bohemian (snark) nature doesn't allow being confined to one space. Sometimes I work in the den. Other times I set up on the breakfast bar...still others I sprawl on the master bedroom. I have set up camp on the kitchen table. I once worked in the guest room while I played the Wii. Needless to say I got very little work done that day. Luckily for me I have a 3 lb laptop so setting up for work involves locating my cell phone, and finding a plug.

We have this enormous 15ft window in our dining room. I was busily working away eating my morning breakfast of oatmeal and slurping down my first of many cups of hot tea. I was trying to decide which of my tasks to tackle first. When out of NOWHERE a humming bird flies right up to the picture window. We have about 30 humming birds that eat from our feeder out back so in the back yard it isn't odd to see them. However the dining room is not near the back yard.

The humming bird hovered watching me for the best part of 2 minutes. I watched him in wonder. It seems he had something to say. As he zoomed off my heart told me that somewhere up there a Chesapeake Bay Retriever roams free.

Things I learned as a 1st semester PhD student

I wrote this list out as I was going through these things as a first semester PhD student. These are some of my very best secrets on getting through that first semester. I also wanted to add in hindsight the first semester is difficult and it sucks. You will be much happier in your second year. You will not believe how miserable you were, and you will not believe how much happier the second year is. Of course 3rd year is comp year so that is something else altogether. Anyway here is the list! Enjoy!

1.) Always start with a research question when writing a paper.

2.) Study statistics every day from the beginning of the term.

3.) Stuff assigned in class is not merely a suggestion.

4.) Never let anyone pick your paper topics for you.

5.) End Note can save you loads of time from the beginning.

6.) Forget about going out. Kiss your social life good bye.

7.) Don’t assume that your undergraduate students are going to study.

8.) When in doubt spend 10 minutes trying to figure it out yourself then go ask someone.

9.) Get a picture of your spouse for your office you won’t see him/her anymore. And you don’t want to forget his/her face.

10.) Save time by not feeling like you have to be “super” anything.

11.) Try to remember that being a perfectionist won’t work. I have to do work that is good enough, but not perfect.

12.) If I wait until something is perfect I get nothing done.

13.) Start everything as early as possible.

14.) Just because I have everything done doesn’t mean there is not still stuff to do.

15.) A study schedule is not a bad idea.

16.) Attend those workshops at the library they really help.

17.) End Note class at the library helps.

18.) Don’t be afraid to talk to other graduate students ahead of me they know what they are talking about.

19.) Daily prayer. I need it so I don’t kill somebody.

20.) When I am at the breaking point I need sleep staying up until 1 AM it won’t help. I need sleep.

21.) Asking your spouse for help is better than getting angry because he/she doesn’t anticipate what is going on.

22.) I need to communicate better with my spouse so he/she feels more in the loop.

Something so obvious

I obviously do not need to blog and multi-task. My grammar and spelling were deplorable on that last post. Another topic I thought would be important to cover is a typical day in the life of a PhD student.

Graduate school is an odd place to be. You are a psuedo-student. Part student part professor (if you are teaching courses) part researcher part assistant. That makes absolutely no sense, but unfortunately it is absolutely true. You are neither an undergrad just trying to "get through." Nor are you are masters student that either "needs a promotion", "wanted to stay in school longer", or just "wants a better job." You are a doctoral student. This typically means you are expected to know many things you may or may not know. :) Your professors count on you to grade papers. Additionally you have the arduous task of teaching the courses that no one wants to teach in your department. You also have to do research projects. You have your very own taxing course work. You might also have departmental meetings and other seminars that you are required to attend. Finally you need to be working on research and publications.

In a PhD program a B is a bad grade. It is not failing, but it is frowned upon. Your coursework is important and can not be discounted. However you will be pulled in several directions at once to fulfill your obligations. You have never been assigned this much reading in your life at this point. Additionally every single one of your professors will act as though THEIR course is the ONLY course you are taking.

I outlined this typical day for a PhD student as a Normal Day. Please remember that at the beginning, middle, and end of term course work and obligations are likely to increase.

7:00 AM Alarm, hit snooze until 7:30
7:30 AM Get ready and go to school
8:00 - 9:15 AM Class
9:15 - 11:00 AM Break (It would be tempting to goof off here,go eat breakfast, play online, but your best bet here would be to do some homework, grade some papers or tackle some small task.)
11:00 - 12:15 Class
12:15 - 1:00 PM Lunch
1:00 - 3:30 PM Office hours (Students typically do not turn up. However it is very difficult to get work done at this time as everyone is in the office. Also at the beginning, middle, or end of term students do show up in droves). If students do not show up at least get started on some of the tasks you must tackle today.
3:30-4:45 PM Class
5:00 PM - 7:00 PM Read chapters and outline material for the class you teach tomorrow.
7:00 PM - 7:30 PM Eat dinner
7:30 PM - 9:00 PM Read chapters and outline material for classes you are taking
9:00 PM - 11:00 PM Work on homework for the stats class you are taking
11:00 PM - 12:00 AM Work on the research paper you are ridiculously behind on.
12:00 AM- 12:45 AM Come home and take care of anything you left at your house that must get done.
1:00 AM Lights out

Since this is a typical day. I also wanted to do a day at the end of term.

6:00 AM Get up you are tired, but you have been laying in bed worrying since 5:30. Time to get up.
6:30 - 8:00 AM Get to school. Work on the research paper you are most ridiculously behind on. Swear to yourself that next semester is going to be different.
8:00 AM - 9:15 AM Go to class. Swear under your breath at the amount of work that has just been assigned and wonder vaguely how that will get done.
9:15 - 11:00 AM Work furiously to complete your homework for your 11'o'clock class
11:00-12:15 Class wear under your breath at the amount of work that has just been assigned and wonder vaguely how that will get done.
12:15 - 12:20 PM Discover peanut butter crackers in your desk. Lunch! Nice!
12:20 PM - 3:30 PM Work on your research paper and homework for your 3:30 course. Answer student questions such as "How can I pass in your class?" and "Do I really have to take the final?" and "I am not going to graduate if I don't get an A in your class. Do you really want to make me not graduate?"
3:35 - 4:45 PM Arrive in class 5 minutes late because you could not get a student to leave your office.
4:45 - 5:00 PM Dinner
5:00 PM - 7:00 PM Finish you statistics, briefly outline the chapters...you will have to do more later there just is not time now.
7:00 - 9:30 Work on your research paper for one course. Email it in to your professor as a draft so that they know you are working on it.
9:30 - 9:45 Go visit the vending machines and make a pot of coffee
9:45 - 11:00 Work on your other research paper. Cobble it together into a draft and email it to your professor.
11:00 - 12:00 AM Briefly read over the material you have to teach tomorrow.
12:00 - 2:30 AM Read the articles your professor assigned to you. Try to get started reading chapters. Make a PowerPoint presentation for your course presentation. Realize it was one of your friend's birthdays and you did not call them. Send them an email to apologize. Grade the papers to hand back to your class. Grade papers for your professor's class.
3:00 AM Go home and fall asleep on the couch.

The PhD process from a student perspective

3 Weeks today. Barrett died 3 weeks today. In addition to that sad fact I am still surfing an avalanche of work and the cosmos are literally aligning against me. I am taking four courses this term. That is more than I have ever attempted at this level. I am nervous 3 of the courses are online and one of the courses is Saturdays. The Saturday course meets 5 Saturdays during the semester...basically my schedule is wide open.

I have only taken two summer courses at online at Mississippi State. I am anxious to see how a semester course will be. I personally am a big fan of Quarter systems myself. The rest of the world runs on quarter systems and they work much better in academia in my esteemed, as it were, opinion. :) Let me be totally brutally and painfully honest I get bored of my classes. I love learning, but I get anxious to move on to the NEXT thing.

For those who may or may not be familiar with the Ph. D. process:

• First hurdle: Statistics Qualifier (called at some schools quals) The statistics qualifier has to be passed after one year of course work. Read: one year of statistics. :)
• Second hurdle: Finish course work (I am hanging out right here patiently stalking my next hurdle).
• Third hurdle: Written comprehensive exams- This one varies from school to school For me it means a one to three day grueling closed book examination on everything I know.
• Forth hurdle: Oral comprehensive exams-A verbal examination of all that I have learned about research and statistics and my chosen field of study.
• Fifth hurdle: Dissertation topic proposal- This is where I propose the first 3 Chapters of my dissertation. The first three chapters of a dissertation are Introduction, Literature, Review, and Procedure. After this stage is complete I will be ABD it stands for All but dissertation.
  
• Final hurdle: Defending my dissertation. This is similar to the Oral Exam except that I will only be asked about my topic. I will also be presenting Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 of my dissertation. After that it is Dr. Adams to all of y'all. :)

Some of these activities can occur on or around the same time. You are still taking course work when you take your Statistic qualifier. Additionally you can take your written exams when you have 6 hours of course work left in your program. Some schools allow you to have an oral exam and your proposal at the same time. However it is important to note that at any stage in the game you can fail. You have two chances to pass your statistics qualifiers or you are gone. A C is an F in a PhD program so you can get 2 Cs and then you are gone. You have 2 chances to pass your written and oral comps...well you get the idea.

The time frame is approximately 4 years. Roughly 2 years of course work...4 to 6 months of studying for comps. A month to wait and hear your comp results back. Then a few months to schedule and take your orals. Then about a year to a year and a half for the dissertation.

That is pretty much it in a nutshell. There is a lot of drama long the way. :) I will be cataloging that further at a later date.

Juvenile rant

I joined Word of the Day. I used to have it delivered in my in tray every day. Somehow I unsubscribed. I have been disappointed. I wanted some NEW words! I know both of the words so far. Sigh. Unfortunately my word of the day is disappointing me.

I also went and saw a movie last night. It was fun to go out on a school night with my hubby. We met several of our married friends (the only friends we have these days). The guy behind us dropped his enormous bucket of popcorn 3 times. It was hysterical.

:)

I had to turn a paper in on the day that Barrett died. The paper was 100 percent dribble. It was not up to my usual academic standards. My professor generously gave me a B. Consequently this gave me a B in the course. I went to speak to him today about my grade. Please understand I realize I deserved the B, but it took my GPA down to a 3.875 and that makes me unhappy. I went to see him this morning and he promised to do a grade change if I attend an APA formatting seminar at the library and update my paper. YES! THAT ROCKS! I don't deserve this, but I felt like skipping the whole way home.

My professor also asked me if I was hyperactive. I am, it is true. :) I can't help it. I bet he is hyperactive too. We can typically sense our own. :)

Simpsonize me!

I needed a laugh today. This grief bit is for the birds.
I thought that at this point it would beginning to get better, but unfortunately it is not! My devoted husband picked up my dog's ashes today. I had him cremated because we won't be staying in this house forever. I didn't feel like it was right to merely put him in the back yard. So I had the vet school perform a necroscopy (like an autopsy) only on dogs and then we had him cremated. I couldn't bear the thought of going to pick him up so thankfully I was relieved of that duty.

As much works as I got accomplished yesterday did not put a dent in the avalanche that threatens to approach next week. School starts back, and in addition to all of those going back to school errands I will be in training for work. While I did get a lot accomplished I am no where near what I need to be in order to really feel confident facing next week. This is the picture of my stepdaughter on her first day of school. I simpsonized her! :) I put the pics side by side so you can see how cute it really looks! I think I did a pretty accurate job designing her if I do say so myself. :) I hope she likes it.

I simpsonized myself too! See above! I had a good time being a little silly, and it was fun too. I love working with graphic design. Even though I have negative creative bones in my body. I like working with images. :)

I have made progress on my before mentioned book project. We shall see how rapidly it progresses. However I just wanted to make sure that I started the project prior to school starting.

Well enough chit chat. I must go back to work. I have projects to finish. :)

Define:Nefarious

WORKED ALL DAY! I really don't have that much work work to do, but I have all this stuff that it would be really good if I got it taken care of before school started back. I made myself a list of tasks and tried to stay on top of them. Of course my husband is home from work now, and I am still NOT done. :( I would like to spend some time with handsome hubby, but I will be molded to the couch finishing my work for a bit longer. I am like the crew on the Flying Dutchman.

That is me. Only instead of becoming part of the ship I am becoming part of the computer and the couch. :) Oh and I don't have an eye sticking out of half of my head. At least...not yet. :D

While I was working today, I started a rather industrial project. I organized all of my to do lists. I then entered them into my Outlook calendar and on my Smart Phone. I am also in up to my eyeballs in training right now. I am in a training course as we speak. I just finished a training course on August 13th. I have 2 more training courses that start on the 20th and 22nd. I will be all trained up and ready to take on the world by the end of August beginning of September.

As I see it...I have had a semi-lazy summer, and it appears that I am going to be paying for that, UNREQUESTED mind you, slothfulness for the rest of the year. I don't mind as it means more money in my pocket. I do love logging in and looking at my investment accounts. :)

Other than my tremendous back log in my in-tray, and the mountain of work I am expected beginning next week, and every week after that from now ad nausea I am doing wonderfully. It helps when the weather is bright and warm although immensely hot. It also helps when you know in just 6 short weeks I will be jetting off to Argentina.

Vive la France

Saviez-vous des ménage a trois de moyens à trois pour trois ?
Did you know menage a trois means housework for three?



J'ai travaillé mon français. Y faisons face. Mon espagnol est BEAUCOUP mieux que mon français. Mon mari et moi parlons l'espagnol l'un à l'autre souvent. Nous essayons d'apprendre le français ensemble. À cause de notre désir d'apprendre la langue ... nous parlons seulement le français à la maison. Il est difficile puisque mon vocabulaire est un peu limité. J'échange à l'espagnol quand je ne sais pas les mots. Nous avons décidé que le français serait une grande langue pour apprendre ensemble.

I have been working on my French. Let's face it. My Spanish is MUCH better than my French. My husband and I speak Spanish to each other frequently. We are trying to learn French together. Because of our desire to learn the language...we are speaking only French at home. It is difficult since my vocabulary is a bit limited. I switch to Spanish when I do not know the words. We decided that French would be a great language to learn together.

Notre fille est ennuyée parce qu'elle veut être incluse dans tout. Nous n'essayons pas de l'exclure, mais nous ne pouvons pas discuter tout devant elle. La seule voie de vraiment apprendre une langue est de s'exercer. J'ai aussi acheté un livre qui est tout du Français que votre enseignant français ne vous enseignera pas. On appelle le livre merde complet. Qui est un mot sale dans le français!

Our daughter gets annoyed because she wants to be included in everything. We do not try to exclude her, but we can not discuss everything in front of her. The only way to really learn a language is to practice. I also bought a book that is all about the French that your French teacher will not teach you. The book is called the complete merde. Which is a dirty word in French!

Ok je suis fait en me vantant. Je suis trop fatigué pour penser à autres mots ce soir. J'irai faire près du compte.
Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, le zéro

Ok I am done showing off. I am too tired to think of any other words tonight. I will close by counting.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, zero

The book

I have published in a book chapter before. It is pretty exciting seeing your name in print. I was proud of myself! No one is running out to buy and read my book. It is about Outsourcing and the way it is changing the world. Not exactly a best seller. Don't look for it at Barnes and Noble it won't be there. :)

Writing and creating my chapter ignited a creativity in me, but I haven't been able to exercise it! However now that my PhD program has been straightened out, and now that my health is improving I am ready to embark on a big project. I have been kicking around a book. My idea is sound, and I could sell 1,000s of copies. I just have to sit down...quit thinking it through and write. Tomorrow is the big day. I plan to write and explore. Luckily for me I have some time now. So keep your fingers crossed.

In other news my new maids start tomorrow. I hope they work out. I have had a hard time finding help in Starkville. I am feeling hopeful.

Trophy Wife

My DH affectionately calls me his trophy wife. I used to claim that is was a pejorative term. However sly hubby took a page out of my own book and did some research. He told me that the new trophy wife had to be accomplished. :) It helps that I am a superb cook as well.

The article he used to back up his claim was from Psychology Today http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-3210.html He is getting good at his research that smarty britches. :) Another thing he said was that alpha males are pursuing alpha females these days.

My husband is successful in his own right. He is the first person in his family to attend college. He is the first person in his family to have a masters degree. He has been held back unfortunately by my need to be here in Starkville to finish my Ph.D. I appreciate the sacrifice to his career he may or may not have had to make to stay in Starkville with me. I stayed in El Paso an additional year for him...so he owed me a bit. However I believe I am going to OWE him when I finish school. I would really like him to pursue a Ph.D. He says he is DONE with school though. No more school for him.

Being married to my best friend has allowed me to relax and really concentrate on my scholastic achievements. I appreciate that he knows that and has been so supportive. I hope he is as supportive when I am insufferable because I am Dr. April.

Watching pre-season football

I was reminded it is that time of year again! Can't wait! I live, eat, sleep, and breathe the Auburn Tigers. I am really excited about this season. I can't wait to get back to the Loveliest village on the plains. In honor of it being College Football Eve...thought I would post my Alma Mater's creed

The Auburn Creed

I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only on what I earn. Therefore, I believe in work, hard work.

I believe in education, which gives me the knowledge to work wisely and trains my mind and my hands to work skillfully.

I believe in honesty and truthfulness, without which I cannot win the respect and confidence of my fellow men.

I believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid, and in clean sports to develop these qualities.

I believe in obedience to law because it protects the rights of all.

I believe in the human touch, which cultivates sympathy with my fellow men and mutual helpfulness and brings happiness for all.

I believe in my Country, because it is a land of freedom and because it is my own home, and that I can best serve that country by "doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God."

And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, I believe in Auburn and love it.

-George Petrie (1945)

I am back!

I have sort of been hiding with in lately if that makes sense. I have been upset about my dog obviously. I have also had a lot going on.

My 2 year wedding anniversary happened 3 days after B died. We have been married 2 years and we do traditional anniversary gifts. My husband is a wonderful man. He makes me smile and laugh, and everything about him is perfectly suited for me. He knew that I would be upset for our anniversary so he really pampered me. The support and sensitivity he has shown through this entire ordeal has been more demonstrative of his love than I can express. Namely he loves me unconditionally. He loved me when I was losing my hair, and he loved me when my illness depressed me, and he loved me as I was stressed beyond belief from my doctoral program, and he still perseveres and loves me through this difficult time with the dog.

I managed to hunt down the breeder that I got my dog from. I also managed to find my dogs grandfather, and father as well as his brothers. When my heart has healed a bit we will be getting a dog from this breeder. It makes me feel peaceful to think that my dog will be of the same lineage. I will be getting one of his distant relatives. :) Of course it is going to cost us several thousand dollars, but he is worth it!

Work has been picking up and giving me TOO much to do. However that does mean more money! So I am always interested in that aspect. Because I work for myself I must prescribe to the "You don't work you don't eat notion!"

Finally I hired a new maid. I like the new maid, but am not sure if she will be a good fit in this household. I have booked a few trips in the past two weeks as well. I will be traveling to El Paso for Labor Day weekend. I am going to see some friends and go to a festival there. We will also be going to Buenos Aires during October. While there we will be able to visit Uruguay and Paraguay. I think I will be done with every country in South America except Columbia, and Brazil then. I will have to check the map and see.