On being Solar Powered

The winter can be a difficult time for me. I like the sun. Strike that! I need the sun. When I don't get enough sunshine I get blue. That was one of the reasons I loved living in El Paso so much. The sun shone everyday.

For the last few days in the sunny south we have had gorgeous sunshine and warm weather. I have enjoyed it.

Chapter 1 is complete. I have commenced working on Chapter 2, and Chapter 3 is going to be a piece of cake. ETA for turning in my proposal to my advisor....Friday, January 23, 2009. OMG this is actually happening.

You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. Mick Jagger

I stayed up until 7 AM this morning working on my dissertation. I slept until 10 and then I went to work on my dissertation. It is probably crap because my poor tired brain could barely process "See Dick Run" much less academic quality reading and writing. :P

I have decided I am going to stop complaining about my insomnia, and start bragging about living life fuller and longer than everyone else. If I am only sleeping 3 hours per day that gives me an additional 5 hours a day that no one else is getting. Granted I take those 5 hours at 4 AM when it is boring, but hey when life hands you lemons and a bowl of cherries you make cherry lemonade...sugar free of course.

In other news I went back on my ADHD meds recently. It had to be done. There was going to be no dissertation with out them. (I have ADHD and have taken medication for it since I was 3. I quit about a year ago thinking I could handle it). I realize now that it was foolhardy of me to do that and try to write a dissertation.

To my darling Bey. I appreciate all the work you are doing on the house. It means quite a bit to me to be supported during this time.

What is this sleep? What sort of nonsensical word is that? -IPG

Note the time! No sleep for me! :)
TODAY...wrote 8 pages ...tweaked my model....I will probably upload the model shortly. I also compiled a 100 source EndNote database to use for my citations.

IPG 2 Dissertation 0!

The Poverty of Enlightenment or The Dearth of Enlightenment- IPG

I couldn't decide which title to select for the blog title. So I went with both. I want to have cake and eat it too. Feel free to call me a cake eater.

Anyway, I have been toying with the idea of 2 blogs for quite some time, and I just don't think there is a way to split the blog. I realize at times the blog has seemingly multiple personalities because of my multiple roles: wife, student, mother, daughter, friend. But I live those roles and think that in order for the blog to remain organic...I have to keep all the thoughts in one place. I do apologize about the dissertation ramblings that have shown up over and over and over again in my blog. However because the blog is VERY organic and the dissertation has been consuming me...it reflects who I am for now.

I am very much putting the other roles in my life on the back burner at this point. I have not been a fantastic wife, mother, daughter, friend lately. In fact search parties have been formed to find my whereabouts because I refuse to call or text or email anyone back.

Typically the acknowledgments section of the dissertation is that last one written. However I have started writing some open letters to people that have helped along the way. So here is the letter for my parents. I have a few installments of the letters that I will be peppering in when I have time. :)

Dear Dad and Mom,

I want to open this letter by saying thank you. Thank you for enabling me to be a strong minded independent woman that is not afraid. I appreciate that you taught me to run…so that I could sprint towards my dreams. Thanks for reading to me when I was young instead of sitting me in front of the television…so that I appreciate a good book. Thank you for giving me enough rope to hang myself at times when I was too stubborn to listen...so that I can avoid those situations later in life when they really matter. Thank you for telling me to shut up and listen so that I would really know when it is important to speak my mind.

Thank you for loving me enough to let me fail sometimes…so that I could learn from my mistakes. Thank you for instilling in me the value of an education… so that I could find a career that captivates my imagination. Finally, thank you for showing me by example the way I should live. I learned that I could be a feminist without burning my bra. I learned that I could be an academic without forsaking my values. I learned that I am every bit as good as a man and I should never think differently. I try to instill these important values in my daughter (SD) as much as I can. For these and for 1000 other reasons, I want to thank you.

Love,

IPG

Murphy’s law is never more ubiquitous than when one is writing her dissertation. -IPG

I am going to do short dissertation post and then talk about something else on a separate post entirely. Topic nailed down. School supplies purchased ( I do this when I am trying to hone my focus). Writing commenced. Model developed. Articles found and read. 5,000 papers read on the topic. One tired IPG. But something new....HOPE. I can see it. There is hope. I can write. I can do this! Cheers!

We didn't want to give a long dissertation. -Bobby Seale

I looked for an article for almost 2 hours today. I usually find them immediately. Before I blew my lid...I dug in my heals and found this stinking article. This involves 2 technical issues, and 3 phone calls. After this drama that I enlisted my handsome hubby in the process of getting this silly article. Hubby writes this adorable instant message to me.

Bey: babydoll 1 discertation 0!

I spent every night until four in the morning on my dissertation, until I came to the point when I could not write another word, not even the next letter. I went to bed. Eight o'clock the next morning I was up writing again. -Abraham Pais

If broken it is...then fix it I must. - IPG

The quote today sums up how things are going on the dissertation. After giving a lecture, it was right back to fixing the tattered remains of what used to be my dissertation model.

Your perpetually working girl,
IPG

(The signature is a reference to Confederacy of Dunces)

The void is especially large today- IPG

I miss my SD. I want this dissertation to be over. I am as unmotivated as you could imagine today. Welcome to the insanity that passes for IPG these days. Insert big sigh here.

I need in this order sleep, coffee, valium, a pedicure, and perhaps a long leisurely bath. However I will volunteer to just go lay down in the driveway and be backed over by a SUV or truck. I don't think at this point a car is large enough to back over me and my ego.

I'll be in Baton Rouge all day tomorrow, and will return hopefully more cheerful and sunny. I would like my whine with a side of optimism please. ;)

“"I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too, games you can't win because you'll play against you" Dr. Suess

I gotta quit quoting Suess. Project boot camp means lots of progress. Yelps one of the perpetually beaten down. ;0)

This week I booked a cruise for Bey and I with two of our best friends. We will be heading to the Bahamas in February. I can't wait to spend some time with our friends, and have a bit of R and R as a couple. I have to find some sexy clothes to wear on our trip.

Bey is still sick. I am a terrible wife because I wasn't there all week to take care of that poor guy.

I have been grounded from books, movies, the phone, and anything that wasn't work or my dissertation this week. I am proud of what I have gotten accomplished. I need to stay focused on the progress rather than on how much farther I have to go.

I have literally become obsessed with looking at houses in Phoenix. I know we are not moving yet, but I am having a great time looking for places. Finally I am going to visit darling SD February 26 - March 2. I can't wait to see my SD and my aunt who lives in Phoenix. YEAH!!!!

I feel like I am working really hard! And NOT working hard enough! How does that work? -IPG

Nearly wordless Wednesday.
This picture sums up how I feel about my productivity level today.

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!” Dr. Suess

The Suess quotes have to end...there have been far too many lately. However they have been matching my mood. ;)

Project boot camp is well underway. I am working hard, and made quite a bit of progress today. I have almost NO brain cells left after all the thinking I have done today. However and this is a big secret of mine, but I have spent a great deal of time writing research papers, and I have to define my research model first. Once I can come up with my research questions, and developed my research model my paper virtually writes itself for me. I automatically know what to write in every paragraph once I have a completed model. So the fact that today I hammered out my first version of my model means....I am well underway. I trashed about 45 pages that I had previously written of my dissertation. The topic was just one I was not passionate enough about to pursue. Overall I wanted to make sure that my dissertation reflected a topic I care about...rather than something I selected because it would help me to finish quickly.

Other than that I have nothing to report. While I have been working (classes started back January 5th) however I am doing a better job of balancing so far. Did I mention that I am in LA? The state not the city.

SD has strep throat and Handsome hubby is sick too. I am kind of glad I am not home. ;) I hate taking care of a sick man. The whole world has to stop for them. I get sick, and I am still rearranging furniture and painting the guest room. He gets sick, and he sleeps for 18 hours. Lucky me...this dissertation writing plan is working to my advantage!

NYC Pics!!!!

If you would like some birthday ideas of what to get me....

SD and a Rockette!!!!!!!!

Outside of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's Restaurant

Near the Brooklyn Bridge

FAO Schwartz

SD's first train ride

At the Chelsea Food Market

If it is Monroe, LA then it must be Monday

Day one project bootcamp....
UGH did I mention how tired I am? I just spent the last 2 weeks enjoying family, relaxing, spending quality time not just with my husband, but my stepdaughter, parents and sister. New York was amazing, and I love watching the city through someone who has never seen its eyes.

I miss my stepdaughter. I was sitting with a friend of mine and her daughter came and curled up next to me on the couch. It made me ridiculously sad, and more motivated than ever to spend more time with SD. She called me today and left me a voicemail and I just couldn't help but thinking why couldn't she be on the other side of town rather than the other side of the country!

What's on tap the coming months? I'll be living in Miami. I am going to spend like 60 days down there. I will be working on my dissertation with out interruption as well as doing some grant work.

I have a game plan for my dissertation so that is a step forward from where I was yesterday. More updates to follow....

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” Dr. Suess

January 5^th starts project boot camp. Project boot camp means that I am going to spend the next 15 days writing like an insane woman and finishing my proposal. I will be proposing the first of February. So for the next 15 days I am going to be on project boot camp lock down. I will be working and writing around the clock, but for the most part I will be grounded from all other activities including reading, watching the news, cooking elaborate meals, talking on the phone…basically anything I enjoy. I will be writing, working, eating exercising, and sleeping.

I got to spend a week with my SD and I really enjoyed it. I miss her so much, and I hate when she leaves. I am so happy that I got to spend so much quality time with her this holiday! Stay tuned on the blog as I will be putting pics of New York City shortly.

Happy New Year 2009

2009 Resolutions

1.) Finish my Ph. D. there are no negotiations on this one. 2009 is my year.

2.) Figure out what it is going to take for me to get happy and do it.

3.) Move to Phoenix by summer.

4.) Be nicer to my handsome husband Bey.

5.) Be a better daughter.

6.) Write my thank you note immediately rather than putting them off for 2 weeks.

7.) Stop saying “right” all the time when what I really mean is “I am not listening.”

Let’s see how I did on 2008 resolutions. I am going to have to check back in on the resolutions quarterly this year. Rather than writing them up in January and revisiting them next January.

1. To help Hubby lose weight so he can pass his PT test for the FBI. Hubby passed his PT test, but then decided that he did not want to pursue his FBI career consequently we are moving to Phoenix for darling SD.
2. To finish my Ph D in 2008.

Ugh this did not happen. It could have happened…but I just didn’t get my act together! I would have liked to have graduated in December, but I took the summer off and was a good Step mother…a worthy trade.

3. To organize my study and get those books under control. I get a big A+++++ on this. My study is show room ready at this point!
4. To get at least 3 publications this year. I have 2 plus one under review. I am calling this resolution done.
5. To be a better daughter, wife, stepmom because family is important and it is not all about school and work. I sort of did a better job at this. I was an excellent stepmom, but I have been majorly failing or at least earning a D as a daughter, and a C- as a wife.
6. To be a better friend and call everyone back rather than make them hunt me down because I am too busy to talk. I get a good grade on this one. I have been a much better friend this year. The death of one of my best friends really drove this point home with me.
7. To not cook the same things over and over again, but explore new recipes. Another A+ here I did a great job on this.
8. To work on the book and stop putting it off. No progress whatsoever on this. :(

Spent New Year’s eve in New York. It was fabulous and COLD. Big kisses to all!