To live outside the law you must be honest- Bob Dylan

This might seem like a strange quotation to start today's blog with…because IPG rarely does anything outside the law. Speeding…not using her turn signal…parking the wrong way on a one way street…your hardened criminal she is not.

However, IPG has been thinking frequently about what it would be like to be younger again. Specifically she would like to be about 21-25 again. Who wouldn't right? It was during that time of her life that IPG had the most fun.

Ok let me quit talking in the 3^rd person and explain myself. Lately I have just been feeling a bit downtrodden. I put on this ridiculously cheery face for anyone that is around me…this includes Bey, SD, friends, family, strangers, people at the gym, people on the blog. But what is really going on is that some days the dissertation flies by. Sometimes I get stuck in what seems like a swamp. I am trying to off road in a golf cart. Partly this ridiculously cheery face is just part of my everyday wardrobe. I really am a optimistic upbeat person, but partly I feel like I have to fulfill this stupid role.

Actually I want to get PISSED …I want to sit in the floor and cry…I want to watch movies and play Lego Batman all day. Basically here is the low down. I get to a place where I just want to ram my head against the wall. Or perhaps write on my dissertation "THE FREAKING END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" with at least 50 exclamation points.

So going back to the beginning of the blog post, I would like to be between the ages of 21-25 again. I hadn't ever had any serious health problems at that point. I only had to answer to myself. My loyal dog was still alive. If I went out and stayed out until 6 AM no one told me I was immature. No one my age that I was friends with had died. I didn't feel like if I didn't get off the fence about this baby thing then I would run out of time. The idea of a baby hadn't even crossed my mind. The idea of committing to an appliance hadn't even crossed my mind. These days my life is so full of adult stuff. It clutters my mind.

I want to go back to worrying about whether or not my shoes match my purse or if I bought milk last time or was it my roommate. I want a redo. I want to sit in a place called The Duck in Auburn, Alabama and wonder what I am going to be like when I grow up. I want to revisit these Fjords in Norway that are so amazing that you literally have to suck in your breath. I want to drive to Panama City Beach in the middle of the night just to watch the sunrise on the beach. I want snarky friends that don't talk to me about their house payments or their baby keeping them up at night. But what I want most in the world is I want this dissertation finished.

There are two reasons that this post sounds so ridiculously angry. The first is because I am totally stalled on the dissertation right now, and that as I have said before is frustrating. The second is Bey leaves tomorrow for his interview. I want him to get this job, but I know it just means more changes for me. It might mean more stuff for me to do as well. I don't mind having a great big pile on my plate. And him getting this job is what I really really want…but it just so happens to be coinciding with a particularly stressful part of my dissertation process.

Thanks for the vent.

“Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us.” Elbert Hubbard

I have had an awful lot going on lately. However most of it can't be shared on the blog…some secrets I guess. No I am not pregnant yet or anything like that. I haven't been keeping big secrets, but they are secrets I can't really discuss. This has made the whole blog feel less organic, and I dislike feeling that way. So I am going to share some of the things I feel comfortable discussing.

Bey might be moving to Phoenix sooner than anticipated. He also might be moving without me. Everything is still punchy …no trouble in paradise here. It is just an opportunity presented itself that is undeniably too good to pass up if it comes to fruition. So my sweet Bey will be leaving me in lonely Starkville. I will be responsible for finishing this dissertation…getting the house ready to sell…selling the house etc. We might just go ahead and get the house ready to sell, and then I will just rent an apartment here. I am going to move close to some friends of ours so they can make sure I am ok.

Here is what I think about that whole plan.

1.) I don't really like being left by myself, and I am going to miss Bey terribly. However I will get SOOOOOOOOOOO much more work on my dissertation done, and will be able to work without ceasing.

2.) It is impossible to leave until the dissertation is done. Fin! I know several Ph.D. students leave once they have proposed, but I am going to stay until I am done. I guess then I will move to Phoenix, and come back here to be frocked. (Which is slang for what happens when you are conferred your Ph.D. at graduation). Plus I love saying it because it just sounds naughty.

3.) When I live by myself I have a tendency to slide to workaholicism. I will have to work carefully to avoid that.

4.) Because I work from home I will be able to sort of split my time say 2 weeks or so in Phoenix to 2 weeks in Starkville.

5.) Also because of this new development all plans to procreate have been put to a stop. I can't imagine trying to do all I have to do anyway while being pregnant…by myself. Also Phoenix is so very very far Bey might not be able to get back here in time if something did happen.

Bey's ex-wife, who I consider an expert in all things mother, because she has 3 healthy children… and that makes her at least 300 times more experienced than me; completely agrees with me on this point. And a few other of my girlfriends are on my side as well. She-Ra I am not. If I dissolve into a whimpering mess when I am pregnant I don't want to have to do it along. By god the man that got me there is going down too.

I have been asked specifically by Bey not to go into any details about any of this because he doesn't want me to "jinx" it for him. So I have really said all I can say.

Lately tons of people I went to high school are contacting me on Facebook. I find this amusing as I didn't talk to these people when I was in high school. I didn't bother to go to my 10 year reunion. One reason being my ex before I married the incredible Bey and I went to high school together. We had not been broken up for very long when it was time for my high school reunion. At any rate, I didn't go. I was also getting married, starting a Ph.D. and moving across the country at the time. I like finding people on Facebook that I have legitimately lost and would like to find again. I have had several unfortunate cell phone events where I don't keep backups of my phone numbers, and basically lose people because I lost my phone, and changed emails. Or I got careless and failed to call them back one too many times for their taste.

I have actually made some progress on my dissertation. For anyone working on my dissertation the most frustrating thing I have found is formatting it right the first time. I am a firm believer in doing something right the first time so I don't have to fix it later. However I really have had a hard time doing STUPID things like perfectly Triple Spacing a heading. This adds to my frustration. It causes me to seek out librarians early on Saturday mornings. I am for the first time ever I think using the library for its intended purpose.

It also makes me wonder whether or not I should hire someone to just format the stupid paper. I hate formatting. Not that it is a waste of my time, but it just seems to steal my soul. It sucks the will to write completely out of me. Unbelievable as that might sound. (I can be a drama queen).

Oh no, Mr. Kool-Aid Man, oh no! You better fix that hole in my wall before my dad comes home and beats me with a toaster. -Dane Cook

I believe I have the stomach flu. Nice. I went to the gym. I need to backtrack here and say that one of my friends mentioned getting something at the gym…not my gym…some other gym in another state. ANYWAY…I couldn't help thinking about nothing but germs while I was at the gym. About 2 hours from arriving home I started running a huge fever. Now I am scared to move off the couch because I am scared I will be sick. I am also super whiney. =) That happens when I get ill. Poor Bey. Having to deal with his whiney wife.

I have to go meet my advisor tomorrow whether or not I feel bad. I won't go if I do get sick or I have a fever. That just wouldn't make me a nice person. =) My advisor doesn't deserve to be sick just because I got sick.

Bey and I will be going to Auburn this weekend. Although if I am sick…I will be stuck by myself, and my husband will take off to Auburn without me…which he will gladly do to be away from my whineyness!

I am in the middle of 2 trainings right now for work. It is taking up quite a bit of my time. I would prefer if I could just hit pause on that so that I could just work on my dissertation. Finally I found this hilarious website. I am going to mess with it and get some funny pictures here if I get a chance. :)

If you are lucky enough to live by the water you’re lucky enough! Anon

As I was sitting out talking on the phone and reminiscing with a friend of mine who lives in London for now…the otter swam up climbed out of the lake, and ate a little snack on the shore. I remember thinking oh my! I am so blessed. I love being able to watch the critters every day.

Dissertation news? Not much although I have been writing daily. I have committed to at least that much. At least I am getting that much accomplished…I guess I should say.

Work? Well work is work. I am pretty busy and should be busier still in the month of October. =) All good news for me. When you don't work you don't eat in our house ;)

Anything else? Nothing clever today. I had a great weekend with my husband. One of those fantastic times when you realize once again why we got married. Why he is my best friend.

Auburn vs. LSU Saturday

(This is said with unbelievable sarcasm...this first paragraph here)I might need to pick a new football team. Some school like Duke. A school where I wouldn't cry if we lost a game…a team I could ignore and feel good about doing it. A team I could mow they yard while they were playing and not even bat an eyelash. That kind of team. Ha!

I am a member of the Auburn Faithful. I know and of course love the Auburn Tigers. There is no chance of me changing my fealty.

I love my Auburn tigers. However I am nervous nervous nervous about this game tonight. There is no doubt it is going to be a defensive grudge match. I have read everything I can, and my stomach is in my throat. I will definitely have to watch this game on an empty stomach.

On another note I need to find some medication or natural remedy that is safe to take while pregnant or trying to get pregnant if someone has ADHD. I have taken Dexadrine every day since I was 3 years old. I have to have it for focus and concentration. I think one of the problems I am having with working on my dissertation is that I am no longer taking Dexadrine so my concentration levels are ridiculously off. I am like a goldfish with a 10 second memory span. If anyone has any links about natural remedies for ADHD that are not harmful during pregnancy I am interested in hearing it.

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?" Niels Bohr

This is bad. This is a bad scene. I am so down about writing my dissertation I don't even want to post on my blog. This writing is killing me. For crying out loud I have spent more time of Facebook these last 2 weeks than I have the entire time I have been a member, and I have been on Facebook for almost FOUR YEARS. I am sick of this! I am ready to cry tonight. But crying seems like it is just another big fat waste of time. I have tried to talk to Hubby about this. His belief in me makes it worse. Why have I spent so much time convincing him I am superwoman when clearly I can be reduced to drivel by the word dissertation?

In fact I have been putting off everything else so paralyzed am I about all this I can't even get all my other crap done. Even stuff I like doing I can not do. It is muy ridiculoso! Here is an example of how unmotivated and ridiculous I am. I watched Snakes on a Plane today. It doesn't matter that I hate watching movies…that I never watch television in the middle of the day…that I thought this movie would be so stupid.

Hubby mentioned to me today that I don't appear to be tuned in, and he is right. I haven't called SD…I don't talk to my friends…I spend all my time worrying incessantly about this stupid dissertation.

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great." Golda Meir

I am going to tape today's quote to my forehead. That quotation is awesome. Humbling… even.

I swear I have been working so hard lately I feel like I am hallucinating. I told my husband the same thing three times in a row. Bey started calling me the silly blonde girl. I guess I am a bit silly. But does that really dictate a nickname?

Bey and I are going to see the Saints vs the Raiders in New Orleans in October. Hopefully this will be in celebration of me proposing my dissertation. However I am excited about our plans to go to the Crescent city to see my Saints take on Hubby's Raiders. We will be sitting in the cheap seats as I see no reason to pay $500 bucks a ticket as much as I like football.

I found a small blessing today. This year college football is not on every night like last year. This at least allows me to get some work done on my off nights. I can't watch football every day. As much as I would like to….as much as I appreciate a good football game. I can't watch it daily or I would be adding an extra burden to my already teetering tower.

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." Napoleon

Why IPG? IPG stands for International Party Girl. It is sort of a tongue in cheek joke. I love to travel. So the International makes sense. The party girl part is the joke. Since working on my doctorate I have become quite the stick in the mud. : ) This prompted Bey to call me the original party girl. Which in turn became International Party Girl, and finally just IPG.

Here has been my life for the last few weeks.

Thursday- Scurry around meet with my advisor. Cram to get as much written as possible before I have to see her. Come in immediately after the meeting with my advisor and make all her recommended changes.

Friday- Work in the morning; do a bit of dissertation stuff in the afternoon.

Saturday- Spend the day watching football or going to football games with my handsome hubby AKA Bey. Work.

Sunday- Church and more Football. I also work on Sunday afternoons.

Monday- Feel guilty that I haven't worked on my Bible study. Work. Feel guilty about my dissertation.

Tuesday- Panic, as I finish my Bible study and in that same manic state work on my dissertation. Work. Go to Bible study.

Wednesday- Panic panic panic. Tons of work AND dissertation scrambling on Wednesday.

Repeat.

There. Has. Got. To. Be. A. Better. Way.

I need to hire some muscle. Rather than hitting me in the face with a Nerf bat they could just follow me around giving me meaningful looks. If I don't get busy they could threaten to break my fingers. Unfortunately I don't have any mob connections. I might run an ad on craigslist. But the "panic rat" as I have started to call the dissertation panic that throbs in my mind…is growing by the day. I have got to get a saddle on this, and get it under control. Even if it kills me.

3-2 Does that look like a football score to you?

It does if you are an Auburn tiger fan this weekend. I went with my Bey aka HH aka Handsome Hubby.

Bey is short for the Bebe in French. Since I am finally working on my French again I am taking the liberty to adopt the nickname for my handsome hubby.

That game was ridiculous. I have never ever been to a more ridiculous game in my LIFE!
I know that I need to care less about Auburn football. I know that I need to not take it quite so seriously. But what can I do? I love those Tigers.

Well War Eagle! I will take that win anyway.

Auburn to Mississippi State

Hubby finished his Jeep project. The Jeep looks SOOOOOOOO good! I am so proud of him!

The Jeep is a 1990. It had some rust on it. Hubby took it down to the metal.

The original paint color was black. However we decided to go for an Auburn theme! Proud of you Bey! You did an amazing job.

It is so exciting that Auburn is going to be playing here tomorrow. I literally get to drive 15 minutes to see the game! I am so stoked about this. I love watching the Auburn Tigers play. It is also a night game, so I am pretty excited about that.

Tonight we are going to this live outdoor party and concert called Bulldog Bash. I love how excited hubby gets about these events. It is like he is getting to experience what it is like to go to school at a small college town. Hubby graduated from a commuter school.

There were runs on gas here this evening. People were going nuts about gas. I think maybe the stations turned off their pumps so that they could charge more tomorrow. But we didn't need much! So hubby and I gassed up!

Chapter 1 is done. I met with my advisor and she gave me some pointers, but they were easy changes! I got them finished, and now I am feeling a bit accomplished. She said that I can propose in October. She also told me to start writing around the clock. But I am ecstatic! Proposing in October means I am on track to graduate in May. Everyone will be calling my Dr. IPG before I know it.

I signed up for this program at MSU. I am doing Women and weights. I used to lift every day. We had to meet for a little assessment today, and I did the most push ups of any of the other girls. YES! It doesn't matter though. I can lift daily and I still won't get strong. I can get cut, but I won't be strong. At my best I only maxed 90 lbs on the bench. ha! I don't care though this should be really fun! Anyway, I signed up at the beginning of the semester, but our first work out week is not until next week. Which I think is Weird. Why did I have to sign up back in August then?

Testing out Blogging via Office 2007

Supposedly I can blog and upload everything from word. This will help because I can type it all up and word will grammar and spell check for me. No more of these crazy blog posts that sound like some drunken sailor wrote them. Even when I am suffering from the worst form of insomnia I can count on Word's little squiggle line to let me know that I am messing up. My power is so immense right now I could spontaneously combust.

 

I was cleaning up my office, and ran across a CD that my husband gave to me on our first date. He brought it as a little present…it was better than roses. I was so happy that I ran across it again. It made me smile remembering way back when. J

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. Cynthia Nelms

This quote doesn't really suit me. But it was the best I could find. I haven't been sad or miserable lately. I guess the only word that works is emotional. But that is not quite right either. Overly sensitive is maybe what I am looking for here. It just seems like lately I feel ...I really feel other's pain. My heart breaks when I see some old lady struggling at the grocery store. Or my friend was so worried about the spot near her baby. I feel like I am going through those things myself. I would like to be just a touch less sensitive.

In other news...I am trying to finish Chapter 1 of my dissertation so that it is in final sign off and approval form for my meeting tomorrow at 10. That means 24 hours from now I gotta have it ready. For those of you that care...:) I have to propose sometime in October. So I really need to get in gear. I don't mean to be dragging my feet I just can't seem to get into full blown dissertation writing mode. If I could I could knock this one out of the ball park.

Mishmash and Mayhem

It was IPG's turn to bring dinner to her Bible study group. I didn't take pictures as many folks do when they are sharing recipes...but I wanted to share anyway.



I took Cucumber Sandwiches, Bowtie Chicken, and Fruit Pizza.



Cucumber Sandwiches-

You will need- 2 Cucumbers, Cream Cheese, Good Seasonings Garlic and Herb dry Salad Dressing mix, and some sort of small hard bread roll (16)



Wash cucumbers well. Using a fork, scrape down the cucumbers lengthwise leaving "stripes" all the way around. Slice the cucumbers into 1/4 inch slices or thinner. Set aside. In a small bowl, stir together cream cheese and dressing mix; combine well. Using a butter knife, spread the mixture onto the the bread rolls. Next, lay one slice of cucumber (per slice of bread) in the middle of the bread.

Chicken Spaghetti

• 4 to 6 chicken breasts, cooked, reserve broth


• 1 can of Mexicorn


• 1 can cream of chicken soup


• 1 can Rotel tomatoes, (with green chiles)


• 1 package Bowtie (16 ounces)


• 1 garlic clove


• 8 oz. Velvetta Cheese
  
  

Preparation:Cook Bowtie in broth. Chop chicken and saute with garlic. Add soup. Cook on low until bubbling, then stir in chicken and Bowtie. Cut the Velvetta into small cubes and stir into mixture. If skillet is not oven safe, transfer to a lightly greased baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 30 minutes.



Fruit Pizza



INGREDIENTS

• 2 packages refrigerated Crescent rolls
  
  


• 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened


• 2 cups frozen mixed fruit
  
  


• 1/2 cup white sugar

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Spread crescent rolls and arrange on greased pizza pan, overlapping edges. Press dough flat into pan. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Allow to cool.


2. In a large bowl, soften cream cheese, then fold in sugar. Spread over cooled crust. You can chill for a while at this point, or continue by arranging the fruit.

I wish my life were a sitcom

You know 30 minutes with a defined plot? Random funny parts nothing too earth shattering.
My prayer buddy (the girl I am praying for this week) is about 6 weeks pregnant and she had a cyst near her baby. She got news today that the baby is ok and the cyst is not hurting the baby.

That is fantastic news. In the not so fantastic news category...

Our air conditioner broke today. I thought it was just frozen up so I turned it off. Called the air guy like some stalker girlfriend 100 times as the house heated up to 98 degrees. When HH got home I was fit to be tied. I couldn't take one more second of the hot house. So I am in a hotel tonight. HH had chores at home so I am alone. Hopefully the air conditioner person will be able to fix the air tomorrow.

When one works from home and the air is broken it makes for a miserable day. Truly disgusting. I need to get some more dissertation work DONE. Rather than just pushing it around on my plate.

It is just a paper, a giant behemoth of a paper

I have been toying with the idea of starting a second blog. On my second blog I will blog about personal issues, family issues, marriage issues etc., and on this blog I will only discuss working on my doctorate, and teaching online.

I am unsure if it is something I really want to do. However I know that the readers of my blog read for several reasons, to keep track of me if they know and love me, :), to get information about working from home, to follow along as I work on my doctorate.

Lately there has been quite a bit going on with my doctorate, and work. Those things have seem to sort of eclipse what is going on in my home life. But there are some big things going on at home too. I just don't want my readers to find me tedious.

The biggest thing going on at home is that HH and I are officially trying to have a child. There are a lot of things that got me on board. One was talking to my dear friend Amanda. She explained that she didn't feel maternal at first and didn't bond with her first child right at first until about the 7th month. ( I could have just sneakily changed this in the blog. But I prefer my blog to be organic. So I marked it out instead. Please see the comment made by the email from Amanda. Apparently I don't listen well on the phone...the ADHD must have been especially bad that day :) ). It made me realize the feelings I was having were normal. Even though it is impossible to find people that will admit them. The second thing that got me on board was that I decided to be really scientific about this so I went out and bought a thermometer, and ovulation tests etc. I am doing all these charts...like it is this GIANT math problem. And I love Math! I am still scared to death that I am not ready to take care of a child. I am still being a little selfish because having a child means giving up a lifestyle that I enjoy. I am still ambivalent about a lot of things along these same lines. But this teeny tiny spark of excitement has started with in me. Also I don't think I have ever seen HH so happy that I have agreed to have his baby. And that in turn makes me happy.


In other news I need to hire someone to follow me around and hit me in the face with a bat when I begin to get unmotivated. I have gotten so unmotivated about my disseration I have actually started WORKING MORE to avoid my dissertation. Not going to the pool, not reading a book, not even cleaning, but WORKING MORE. So you see the situation is critical. I think a bat to the face should clear that up quite nicely. You can decide whether it should be a nerf bat or not. Please send your application expeditiously as I need your expertise immediately.

'Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop.' Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Today marks the first day in about a week that I haven't been a news junky. I am pretty proud of that fact. I have not been inhaling news like it is my job for the entire day.

I worked nearly the entire day on my dissertation. I swear though it is like trying to bail water out of a boat with a spoon. I worked the whole day and got very little accomplished in other words.

My SD called me yesterday to check on me. She wanted to make sure that we were ok because of the Hurricane. She is so sweet to worry.

I didn't take my engagement ring to Costa Rica. I put it in the gun safe. Hubby got it out for me today, and when he was giving it back he got on his knees and asked me to marry him all over again. Amazing...I would too! Hubby also mentioned today that I have been too much all about work and school lately. Note to self...gotta do something about that this week.

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" Albert Einstein

Recap of meeting with my advisor. There was another student in her office so she was like 8 minutes late meeting with me. And she had to meet with the department head after only 20 minutes or so. But she gave me some immediate feedback and action items for next week. Which feels fantastic. Additionally we talked timeline and long term goals.

I am meeting with her at the same bat time and same bat location next week. Although I don't think we are going to meet every week. I appreciated all the guidance she gave me.

As I have mentioned I work from home so meeting with her gives me a reason to get out of sweatpants and into some of my nicer clothes. My advisor noticed my cute outfit and we even had a great chat about Palin!

All in all the meeting was a success! FANTASTIC!

Why is IPG up at 2 AM?

Does it get on your nerves that I am referring to myself in the 3rd person? You do that a lot in a dissertation so get used to it. Pretend I am a famous athlete if it helps. The author of this blog...hehe

I am meeting with my advisor in 7 hours. Do I have Chapter 1 done? CHECK! Do I have a bunch of questions and VERY few answers? CHECK! hehe Ok that really was not all that funny. But it felt sort of funny so I laughed.

I also found two other fantastic ways to procrastinate today. 1.) a message board for people working on their dissertations like me and 2.) a message board for stepmoms. Now I can go chat to my heart's content with people I have lots in common with and can literally procrastinate the entire day. Now if I could only find a message board for stepmom's working on their dissertation and teaching online. Then...I would have it made. Go me! err... Go IPG! ha!

Thanks to VP for inspiring this post

Handling the vague student question.

I get many many emails like this.

From: hotguy69@hotmail.com
To: IPG
Received: 11:59 PM EST Sunday (1 minute before the assignment is due)
Hey teach,

I am confsd. Can u xplain what we r doing this week? i have been working on it all week. i just dont get it.

What I would like to do is respond with...

From: IPG
To: hotguy

I don't know who this is. I have looked extensively in all of my courses and none of the students are named Mr. Hot Guy nor Mr. Guy Hot.
Warmly,
IPG


OR I could respond

From: IPG
To: Hotguy

Nothin' u need 2 worry about. U just got goose eggs.

OR I could respond

From: IPG
To: Hotguy

If you have been puzzling through it all week...how come when I run statistics in the classroom it says you just logged in 15 minutes ago? And why would you wait until just now to send me an email?


I also get these types of responses in the discussion board.
However this is how I usually respond.

From: IPG
To: hotguy

Dear Mr. Guy:
I am unable to identify you by your email. It is unfortunate as I would really like to answer your question. I am sorry that you are confused. Due to the ambiguous nature of discussing things via a text only medium. I am unable to ascertain what you might possibly be confused about. However upon reflection, I am sure that you will be able to respond with a clearer question. One that I will be able to respond to with ease rather than leaving the question so open to interpretation.

Additionally if you would so kindly let me know what your name is. Both your surname and given name would be preferable as it makes it easier for me to identify you. Also please peruse my syllabus, and you will see that I have office hours through out the week that you have been apprised of their times. Responding at the last mere moment before the assignment is late with a vague question does not give you an exemption for tardiness.

Warmly,
IPG

Reflections

I have a Bible study with a really great group of girls on Tuesday nights. It is a great way for me to go spend time with the girls...get out of the house, and learn about what the Bible says to women. This particular group really has a hodge podge of women: single girls, married girls, moms, girls that can't get pregnant, girls that don't want to get pregnant, divorcees, soon to be moms, soon to be divorcees, and soon to be marrieds. One thing I enjoy the most out of this meeting is realizing that everyone is going through something all of the time.

It may not seem like a big something. Perhaps it is sometimg small, but all these ladies have a story to tell. Right now I am struggling because I really do not want to live in Phoenix. I want to stay right here near my mom and daddy. I don't want to trot on the other side of the country. I miss SD fiercely, but I miss my folks too.

The Bible study we are currently doing is called the Frazzled Female. I love it. It has made me start thinking about the baby issue again. People have a pretty narrow mind about what they think about a woman that is not necessarily interested in having children. Some choice stereotypes include: "They don't like kids," or, "They don't have any maternal part of them," or, "They're too career-driven," or, "They're selfish." Something else I feel like is that I have set foot in a political type position I never asked to be a part of. I feel more like "Hey I am just living my life...not making any sort of a political stand." But as my marriage hit that magic 3 year mark the questions started. When? When? When? My marriage also dove tailed with my completing my comprehensive exams. Meaning that I am only working on my dissertation at this point. An alignment of the stars that seems to scream the need to get busy procreating.

In addition is the fact that I work from home. I don't have any jarring reason towards wanting to wait. I just have all these nagging questions. Such as will I still be me? What will happen to the research I love? Will I trade all that in for a discussion about pacifiers and bottle nipples? Will I cease to be Dr. IPG and just have to settle for being Dr. Mom? Will my husband still love the eccentric intelligent woman he married or will I become so dissolved in "mommy brain" that I can't construct an enlightened sentence? Why does it seem like everything involving children is a sacrifice? Where is my mommy gene?

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK

I have been working and working and working and killing myself today. I had to work so many hours since I got home I just need to sleep so that I can get some semblance of Chapter 1 together by tomorrow.

I had Bible study tonight, and had to miss the Republican National Convention. I hate that, because I always like to watch President Bush speak. Thank goodness for TIVO. I will definitely be watching tomorrow to see Senator Palin. This election season I have had to eat my words. I said I didn't want to vote for McCain, but I have had to eat my words. I have really come around to McCain, and am so pleased with his choice for VP. I don't typically discuss politics, but I thought the speeches tonight were outstanding. I thought I was going to like Fred's speech best, but I loved Liberman's speech.

Ah well...I have managed somehow to get caught up. I hope I don't wake up tomorrow and find I am suddenly behind. :) Amazing how that can occur at times. Gotta love fall semester.

Ok so I took the week off!

I didn't blog from Costa Rica although I did have to work from there. I also visited Nicaragua on my trip. While in Nicaragua, I saw lake Nicaragua, the colonial city of Granada, and a volcano at Masaya (pronounced like Messiah). The beaches on the Pacific side of Costa Rica are lava beaches. They have black sand.

Costa Rica is more beautiful than anyplace really has a right to be in my opinion. It is gorgeous. I got to spend some amazing time with my family. My parents and I are quite close, and they live so far away from us. Unfortunately just as they will be relocating back to the south we will be moving west. It breaks my heart that I can not live closer to them. One of the best things I liked about vacation is that my flight arrived so early on Friday and left so late yesterday I had nearly a day and a half with my parents with out my sister. We are a tight family, and we usually get together en masse. So I rarely get to spend quality time with my folks just me. Also when I go visit them I usually take my husband. It was a rare treat for this oldest child to spend time with her folks alone...I probably haven't done that since I was 3.5. Kidding.

I also had a tearful reunion with my husband. I had been gone 10 days, and I missed him. I believe I have shared here that when I first got married my fierce independence made it difficult for me to adjust. However since late 2006, I have begun embracing marriage with all my heart. My husband is my best friend. He is the one I want to share every detail of my life with. When I am traveling it is difficult to be away from him. It is difficult not to think ...HH would LOVE this. Or I know HH would think that is hilarious too. Coming home yesterday I had an amazing reconnection with my loving man. He met me at the airport with 2 dozen roses. He cooked me dinner, unpacked my luggage, rubbed my feet where I had millions of mosquito bites (and I never ever get bites...this was my first time ever), and checked out the latest horror flicks so I could indulge. I am so happy he doesn't have to work today so we can spend the whole day together.

Work has continued to heat up as all the schools have gone back. I was exhausted when I got in yesterday, but I had to work for 5.5 hours. AND I was not even behind. That was just regular Sunday work! I am going to have to keep that in mind and try to plan better. I work oh so much better in the morning than I do in the evening.

I have got to finish Chapter 1 of my dissertation. I need to quit lolly gagging and just get it done. I don't want to cram it in a few hours before meeting with my advisor. I probably will work on it all day tomorrow and Wednesday to ready myself for my Thursday meeting.

SD is at her paternal grandmother's home. That spoiled little girl is the center of the universe when she is there...last I heard she was getting her hair done and getting a manicure and a pedicure. :)