Pics of my comp present

I promised to post this. This ring is way too big for my hand.
But TA-DA! My congrats you passed your comp present. Thanks DH!

"There's good news tonight" Gabriel Heatter

I have gotten so much good news lately!
I wanted to share.

• Hubby got invited to second round testing for the FBI. (We celebrated by going out and buying him a new suit!!!!)
• I passed my comps (as I said Monday)
• The repainting project of the jeep is coming along AWESOME!
• We are taking the boat out this weekend!
• One of my friends is coming over tomorrow to celebrate the end of term with me!
• I got an A in one of my classes!
• I got an extension on one of my papers!
• I got a new piece of jewelry to celebrate passing my comps. (Another right hand diamond ring that is white and black diamonds GORGEOUS!!!!)
• I picked out my "push present" if we do end up getting pregnant.
  
• I get to go to Ft. Lauderdale with hubby and hang out with our friends!!!!
• We are going to New Orleans to celebrate all our good news (YEAH!)
• One of my friends is pregnant with baby 2!
• One of my other friends baby is due ANY DAY!
• My parents are this [ ] close to getting a serious offer on their house!
• I am going to Costa Rica with my family in August!
  

It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright. Ben Franklin

I

passed

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I should know Monday

I still don't know my comp scores. I will know Monday. It is a definite maybe that I will know Monday.

In other news one of my blog contributions made it on Rate Your Students. See if you can spot me.

Purchased at Wal-Mart today prenatal vitamins, folic acid, and calcium. I am getting prepared I guess.

More later...I am relaxing the semester just ended, and I need to decompress.

11 AM ....11 AM ....11 AM ....11 AM ....11 AM ....

I find out today if I passed my comps. HOPEFULLY....it has only been 3 weeks...so one would think that I might find out. Why I chose to get up at 5 AM today is anyone's guess. I can just sit here....and worry until 11. I will work on my proposal. Maybe it will make the time go by quicker.

Update: 10:15 AM I have all these butterflies in my stomach. They are crawling around and trying to escape. I have had this huge build up. I hope I learn something good today. ...I am going to get ready and go to school early. I can not stand just waiting anymore.

On occasion...

On occasion I get something right. Ha! And I guess in this instance so does Britney Spears.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” - Einstein

T minus 48 hours until I know "something" about my comprehensive exams. Code word there "something." Last week I called my adviser. She and I talked. She said she had time to meet with me at 11 AM on Thursday this week. Then she added the cryptic, "It will be a perfect time to meet then." My adviser doesn't just make these types of gratuitous statements. SO I have spent the last week trying to read into what she was saying. I have also been trying to nail down my pre-proposal. Because I am a phenomenal multi-tasker, I have been grilling everyone I know for their impression of what she could possibly mean by what she said. Hopefully it translates into, "I will know the results or your comprehensive exams then, and you will have passed."

I have a new pet theory that I am trying to puzzle out. I think that when people want advice they go to other people that they KNOW will give them the advice they are interested in receiving. For example, my handsome husband is keen on procreating. So did he go to any of his friends that do not have kids...NO he goes to the beaming new dad in his office with the perfectly behaved baby. It has almost gotten to the point where when his car pulls up in the driveway I hear "Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby B-A-B-Y!" to the tune of Batman.

I want to say, but we had a deal. We got married under the agreement of NO CHILDREN. Now you want to go and change the rules. He and I had a great talk about it yesterday. I wanted all his cards on the table, and I showed all of mine. Basically, he can't imagine not having a child with me, he thinks we (read: he) will regret the decision once it is too late, he wants our family to be complete, he doesn't want to be a grandpa dad. Here are my cards: I didn't get (almost get...still in progress) a Ph.D. so that I could sit home with a child, I am scared of the pain, I have battled an eating disorder all of my life and am worried pregnancy and being fat could trigger it, I like our childfree lifestyle, I am plenty fulfilled with work, school, and research. Unfortunately, society has taught me that I should be embarrassed of my reasons.

Work threatens to collapse around my ears and suffocate me. At least that is how I am feeling about it this morning. I have so much to do; I don't even know where to begin. I am procrastinating even starting. :( I hate when I get underwater like this.

Ambivalence thy name is baby

I am struggling with the baby issue. I just don't know if I am ready. Call me selfish call me whatever you want. I don't care. I don't know if I am ready, and I don't think that makes me a bad person. I have a stepdaughter. I am happy just having her. However I am not anyone's mom.

My husband wants a baby so very badly. And here is the issue there is no compromise on this one. No such thing as half a kid. It just doesn't work that way. I think I would be a good mom. But I like our lifestyle. I like being able to pop and go and do. Most people have not started in on the when do we get a niece/nephew yet because I am still in school. However last time I checked I am graduating in sixish short months. YIKES!

On the plus side however, I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday. Loading up for my May binge. (I am off the month of May from school so I am LOADING UP on books! I am going to read novels like it is my job. And some interesting nonfiction too!) Anyway, :) I saw this whole enormous area about books. All kinds of books on pregnancy on being a parent on everything. Think of all the books I could buy if I were to get pregnant. You may think that is stupid. But I love books like nothing else. And I am going to have to add buying some amazing books to the plus category.

“Art is a form of catharsis” Dorothy Parker

Last night I had a cathartic event. A friend of mine did not get a job she was promised. This caused her a lot of distress because she is a vet and is graduating on April 30. The clock on her student loans will start to tick then so she needs a job. ASAP. We met and had dinner. Over the course of the evening I confided in her that she had really upset me when my dog died back in July. She made the comment that dogs didn't go to heaven. I had never told her that the comment had hurt me, but it had been affecting our friendship. She told me that at the time when my dog died; she was mad at me. She thought I should have brought him to the vet school and let them help him live a little bit longer. I explained to her that I knew he was going to die. The vet had told me. I just wanted him to die at home with me. I didn't want him to die in a cage where no one loved him, all alone. She said her stance had changed since it had happened. She realized now that I made the right choice for me and my pet. Overall it was a liberating event because now we don't have that situation over our heads.

I am in class all day. Blah! I took a test this morning, and was so tired I didn't write my requisite 25 pages of answers...I only gave around 20. I hope it turns out ok. However if it doesn't....I am to the point where I almost can say...I DON'T CARE! Just kidding I do care, but I am really burned out.

Not a good day....

No I haven't heard about my comps. See the hash mark on the left side of my paper.

So I have my students reading an article about how text messaging and Iming are ruining our children's ability to spell it is the discussion for this week. Here is one of my choicest responses. However hold on to your hats! The week just started. :)

"i don't think that text messaging and iming is messing up our spelling and grammer at all I do it all the time and i can still spell the words out its just that when you are text messaging you are trying to do it fast its just a fast way to communicate not a replacement for spelling plaus every1 knows whut i am typing when i type b4 everyone needs spelling if no one could spell how would anyone have a job? i am not the best speller in the world but i dont think that any thing is running our spelling or young kids i think that they just have to step up the spelling with the math and reading you can read a word all day but u should be able to spell it like its nothing."

Pics of Argentina and Uruguay

My mom, sister, and I in Uruguay

White Bengal Tiger

Square in Buenos Aires

Some weird deer thing they have at the zoo

Beef! It is BIG in Argentina!

Forgot to get these up!

Bunch of Random Pictures

There are hardly any with people. I don't know what I have been snapping pictures of with my phone.

Cross Canadian Ragweed in Concert

One of my comps study notebooks. I am such a nerd!


My stepdaughter showing off how wide our cruise room was. :)

The poster from the event that was going on at the hotel where I was working in Mexicali. :) That hotel always has something going on!

A little partying towel Monkey that our room steward put in our room on our cruise. He was partying from the rafters...and even managed to scam a cigarette. ;)

The color we are going to paint the jeep. :) Our jeep is about 4 or 5 inches taller than this. :) I think it is going to look great!

I was doing work today in the den. So I brought my little office out on the loveseat. There is something wrong with this picture though. Can you guess what it is?

Here....my little shuggy was sleeping underneath my blanket. :)

"I busted open my rug burn." Joy Darville

My dad's birthday is coming up May 10th. I am getting a football signed by Nick Saban for his birthday. It pains me to have to talk to the head coach at the University of Alabama. However it is for my daddy.

I have been experimenting on and off with my ADHD meds and I obviously can not be off of them. School does not work with out dexedrine. I didn't get a paper done today that I needed to because I basically took 4 hours to do what should have been a 15 minute project. Man...:(

And I still can't sleep. It is that darn decaf conspiracy. Hubby has been repainting the jeep. It is going to be white on white. I love white on white jeeps. I can't wait ...It is going to look awesome for summer. Speaking of summer we are going to the aquarium in Atlanta this summer. I just need to see those Beluga whales!

Blah Blah Blah: Something or other UTAUT and Second Life

If the title didn't tip you off. I have picked my DIS topic. See above...haha
I have it more narrowed down than that. However I am still hammering it out.
We shall see I guess. I have an appointment with my adviser next Thursday to discuss my dissertation! :) Maybe I will know something about my comps then!!!!!!!! Maybe...hopefully...I am pulling hair. :)

I am not a big fan of Second Life. But I do think it is a hot research topic. I also think it is growing in importance for Universities to have a presence. It was either Second Life, Facebook, or Myspace. I was considering doing something in communities of practice. I know I want to look at Distance Education though. I am really into studying Satisfaction too. So I would like to look at perceived satisfaction...just kicking it all around.

I have grant money for data collection so I can collect data quickly. Basically the second they sign off on my proposal it is going to be all hands on deck for the data to be collected, and then analyzed! I am trying to graduate in December here. :)

Because sometimes you just wonder...

How many pregnancy tests are less like..."Oh sweet honey bun! Yeah the blue plus at last!" And more like "OH SHIZNIT>>>>WHAT THE CRAP ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?" But you never see commercials like that.

Tax Mess and Online Adjuncts

So I put my taxes off until today because I had comps, and other things hanging over my head. Instead of taking the boat out and enjoying time with my husband I sat in my office and messed with my taxes from 9 AM this sunny morning until now. Here is some words of wisdom for the online adjunct and taxes.

1. Let's say you work for 5 places, and you make 12,000 dollars per year at each school. Each of those schools will tax you like you make 12,000 dollars. Then come tax time...you owe in the 60,000 dollar bracket. Sound fun? There is more
2. Some schools can't get their pay roll right. So every year I have to try and straighten that out. This year...I had to file a Kansas state tax return, Mississippi, Pennsylvania, and Connecticut. Fun stuff considering how hard it is to figure out how much I owe each state. Fun fun! I thought I had straightened that out last year, but the problem cropped up again on a few of my W2s. Also one of the schools took out that I still live in Texas which has no state income tax. What a mess! But I am going to file because I want my 453 bucks back Kansas! That is right...I want it back, and I want it now!
   
3. Some schools pay you as a contractor rather than an employee. This means I have 1099-Misc income rather than W2 income. The benefit of this is that I can fill out a schedule C and take some deductions for my home office. The downside is that I owe taxes...every year I owe taxes.
4. Because I am a student I get to take 4,000 education life time learning deduction which is awesome! It helps a lot. I find that to be one thing that people don't always realize they can take. I think I will stay in school for the rest of my life as I love this one.
5. I am signed up for as many 401k's as I am allowed out my various institutions. However I inadvertently over contribute every year. This leads to expensive and annoying withdrawals that I have to do and then pay taxes on.
   
6. Prior to maxing these out I used to contribute to a self employed 401k which really helped tax wise! I highly recommend starting one of these. You will need a Federal tax ID number, but you can set up a corporation at legalzoom.com for $295. It helps tax wise! :)
   
7. Set up a corporation. If you are operating as a sole proprietor, you will be required to pay self-employment tax on your profit, currently at 15.3%. If you set up a corporation for your business, only the salary you pay yourself is subject to self-employment tax. Depending on your situation, you may be able to save as much as 50% on your tax bill. Another tax benefit of forming a corporation is that select medical and childcare costs may be deductible, which cannot be deducted as a sole proprietor. I think I saved 2,000 dollars by setting up a corporation...
   
8. I don't qualify for a lot of the deductions because my income is too high. However my husband and I file married filing jointly and that helps. He pays the right amount of taxes for what he makes...so I am the only problem child.
9. I max out my IRA contributions. This helps save loads on my taxes. Plus I look at it like this. Say I have to pay 10,000 and if I contribute to my IRA I have pay 4,000 and then pay taxes of 8,000. I know that is 12,000 that I have to lay out, but I only don't get to keep 8,000. If I pay out the 10,000 with no retirement contribution I am out the whole 10,000. So I can be smug that eventually I will get that 4,000 plus interest back.
   
10. I still have to pay each and every year. Each and every year...:) I get the penalties too..and I guess I should pay quarterly, but I don't. I would rather only be annoyed about this once a year.
11. I just want to give anyone that teaches online the head's up to save money. Save up because come tax time you have to have enough money to write that check. I was dreading this year's taxes. I didn't even want to think about them. I am glad I have finally gotten them out of the way. I efiled earlier, and I am going to let the IRS draft my money write out of my quivering bank account. My mom said she doesn't like the IRS to have that much power. But whatever...

Good luck with your taxes! :)

For those of you needing a laugh...

I thought that was hysterical. I needed a laugh today too!
I have some lofty goals for the weekend. Doing our taxes, (Yuck this will take approximately 50k hours), I am going to do a write up later for online adjuncts and taxes. This is an important one. :)

No word today...about my comps. I wasn't expecting to. But still.

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. ~Carl Reiner

I am ok. The doctor said it and I believe it. The pain etc is all because of stress. Nice. Way to go body! Way to really support the getting over it effort. =)

School wise I am worthless. However I have been really throwing myself into work. I spent several hours today getting my work organized. I actually got quite a bit accomplished today! So tomorrow I have to do some administrative tasks I hate. I have to change 3 grades. I have to change these grades because I am too nice. I didn't just insist. YOU FAILED CAUSE YOU TURNED YOUR PROJECT IN LATE. No I let them turn it in late...then I gave them a C. So I have to change the grades. I hate doing administrative work like this so I wait until the advisors are swooping in via helicopters. Isn't that awful? Why can't I just handle stuff like that? I don't know...but I hate it. :)

The weather is PERFECT here today. I could literally move outside and stay there. I love how great the weather feels! AMAZING!

So guess what happens 2 weeks from tomorrow? 2 WEEKS??? I am glad you asked. I will be done with the absolute last class I will ever take 2 weeks from tomorrow. I kind of feel like doing something special for that. I can't think of anything that really qualifies. But listen to me, and believe that I am GLAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In a throw myself a party and eat lots of steak kind of way!

I can't tell you how psycho I feel about these comps. I vacillate between knowing I passed and scared I failed. It is really ridiculous. I just want to know. NOW. I have at minimum another week to wait. :(

In vino veritas

Seen in a French restaurant

'Attention! L'acool tue lentement.'
- Beware! alcohol kills slowly.

Someone has scrawled graffiti bellow:

'On s'en fout. On n'est pas pressé.'
- We don't care - we're not in a hurry.

I miss my friend today. The gap seems to be especially large today. I want to spend time off. I think I might also be going through a miscarriage. I started early and have been in a lot of pain. I hope that all this stress i.e. test, and Beth's death...haven't caused this. Going to the doctor tomorrow. Have to get this checked out.

"I'm gonna live forever, or die trying." Joseph Heller

After being literally consumed with my test and my friend's death last week...I am starting to feel like an honest to goodness functioning human being today. Yippee!

Seventy two hours after my test ended, and I am feeling back to normal. I managed to be snarky to a door to door salesperson that was waisting my time today. I managed to form words together that resemble a sentence or gasp! a paragraph. I even managed to have an adult conversation with my husband.

So here is my upbeat and interesting news.

1. I am so behind at work it threatens to bury me. But that is ok because combined with the fact that I have transformed into a lazy bum over the last 72 hours...I don't think it will ever get done.
2. I am all caught up with school work at this particular second in time. However at some point I have to start studying for Oral exams and finishing that sorry proposal I started.
3. It really looks like summer now! That is exciting because I am ready for some summer weather.
4. I have been reading crappy books like a mad woman since Saturday. I am not talking about "A Qualitative Study of Technology Adoption" No SIR! I am reading rubbish. The kind that rots your mind I am sure, and I am loving every second of it!!!!!
   
5. I have figured out what I am doing for that handsome guy that lives here for his birthday. We are going to take a surprise trip. We will either go to Minnesota, North and South Dakota (to help my stepdaughter to get some new states...and to help me get North and South Dakota which I need) also to see Mt. Rushmore. Or we will go to Niagara Falls and Canada...or fly up to Maine, and drive down the Eastern Sea Board. I am letting my stepdaughter pick. But I am excited to be planning this surprise. He is going to die when he finds out...we did it all for his Birthday!
   
6. My stepdaughter made straight A's again. I believe she has made straight A's every term this year. I am so proud of her, and so relieved I don't have to tutor math all summer this summer too.
   

“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” John Taylor

To everyone that said your prayers for me last week. Thank you. I needed your prayers like you would not believe. I had to have my best game face on...and my friend's death made that seem all but impossible. Yet I did it!

I honest to goodness kept my head on straight. I also could literally feel all the prayers headed my way. I started to freak at one point on Friday afternoon because I felt like all the material was just going to fly out of my head, but it didn't. I sort of panicked that afternoon too, because another person in the exam was cheating. I sort of felt like that if that person cheated and they compared our two answers. My answers would not be as good. But then this amazing calm washed over me. Right then I knew...prayers were being said and answered about me right at the moment. It was an amazing feeling.

I am also going to be very honest about something. I know from the Bible that people do not become angels when they die. When I was about 10 years old, I told my pastor that when I died I was going to become an angel. My pastor carefully explained that wasn't how it works. However I in all my precociousness explained "It says everyone is happy in Heaven. For me to be happy I need the wings, halo, the whole deal." Horrifyingly this story has been repeated by my parents to everyone that knows me. While I was taking my exam, I swear I felt a nudge. I know my friend isn't an Angel. I also know that it is very likely it was a figment of my overly exhaustive and constantly wild imagination. But it worked during the test! And who couldn't use an extra guardian angel?

8 hours down...

Eight hours down. Eight hours to go tomorrow.
How did I do?
Research and Stats- Nailed it.
Foundations part 1- I am nervous about this part. I am definitely getting questions about this in orals.
Foundations part 2- I am kinda nervous. I missed one part teensy part. Because for some reason...I forgot English for about 10 minutes...
Major question part 1- Slam dunk.
More when I am done

Hubby bought roses. He was like I am so glad you are done. I am like...where have you been?...I gotta do this again tomorrow.

Should I be studying?

Probably but instead I am having a meltdown. I am crying and trying to get my YOU KNOW WHAT TOGETHER.

I had a major fight with my mom over work. Didn't mean too...just can not take one more bad thing going wrong. I didn't even leave the house because I just knew I would get hit by a car or something. I know I am being irrational. But I am going to get it together. I am going to get it together.

I am only worried about one portion of the exam tomorrow. It seems that my mind has honed in on that. I swear I feel like an alien.

I swear as I sit...I feel like I am living in a Salvador Dali painting. If I am not careful I am going to be like Alice falling down a rabbit hole. Test first...emotions later. So far iron will has seen me through. Let's hope that it holds.

Update Beth and Comps

Beth died yesterday at 11:30 AM MST.

My comps can't be rescheduled. I gotta take them Friday or it will count as a fail.
I am so sorry Beth. I can't make it to your funeral.

Funeral is Friday at 11 AM in El Paso....1400 miles away from here.

Beth, Comps, and more

I will bring the quotations back when I feel like it...right now I am just focusing on a few other things that are more important.

They took Beth off the respirator yesterday. She can breathe on her own, but she is showing no brain activity. It seems as though I am going to have to accept that the Beth I know is gone. My other friend Elsa...the third part of the Beth and I three pack is dealing with things in her own way. It hurts too. She says she can't talk to me. But I feel as though talking to her would make me feel better. I think deep down she blames me for not being on the next plane to El Paso. But Beth who is/was a high school principle was so proud of me pursuing my PhD. She would have wanted me to take care of my comps, and then come I think. I don't know. I wanted to go yesterday, and would have come back Wednesday...a tough turnaround for sure. But if I wait until Saturday I can stay for 2 or 3 weeks or as long as I need to stay.

I didn't study at all yesterday. I just couldn't concentrate. I am a firm believer in not pushing myself when I can't take it. I know my limits. One of the reasons I started preparing in January was so that if something came up. I would be prepared. I can obviously see the God knew what he was doing when he gave me the drive to get prepared early. Now I will have to study Thursday...a day I had earmarked as a mental health day for myself. It is ok though because I kind of gave yesterday to Beth. Once I get to El Paso...I will feel better I think. I just need to go hold her hand even if she doesn't know I am there.

I don't know if I am sounding selfish or not. I don't mean to. I just want her to be better. I want her to get well. I don't think that is possible...so I want the opportunity to say goodbye. I found a text message on my phone the other day that she sent me for not calling her back. I texted "I will call you tonight I swear." and She texted "Yes, and Christmas is coming too." That is how I am going to remember Beth.