Ambivalence thy name is baby

I am struggling with the baby issue. I just don't know if I am ready. Call me selfish call me whatever you want. I don't care. I don't know if I am ready, and I don't think that makes me a bad person. I have a stepdaughter. I am happy just having her. However I am not anyone's mom.

My husband wants a baby so very badly. And here is the issue there is no compromise on this one. No such thing as half a kid. It just doesn't work that way. I think I would be a good mom. But I like our lifestyle. I like being able to pop and go and do. Most people have not started in on the when do we get a niece/nephew yet because I am still in school. However last time I checked I am graduating in sixish short months. YIKES!

On the plus side however, I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday. Loading up for my May binge. (I am off the month of May from school so I am LOADING UP on books! I am going to read novels like it is my job. And some interesting nonfiction too!) Anyway, :) I saw this whole enormous area about books. All kinds of books on pregnancy on being a parent on everything. Think of all the books I could buy if I were to get pregnant. You may think that is stupid. But I love books like nothing else. And I am going to have to add buying some amazing books to the plus category.