“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” - Einstein

T minus 48 hours until I know "something" about my comprehensive exams. Code word there "something." Last week I called my adviser. She and I talked. She said she had time to meet with me at 11 AM on Thursday this week. Then she added the cryptic, "It will be a perfect time to meet then." My adviser doesn't just make these types of gratuitous statements. SO I have spent the last week trying to read into what she was saying. I have also been trying to nail down my pre-proposal. Because I am a phenomenal multi-tasker, I have been grilling everyone I know for their impression of what she could possibly mean by what she said. Hopefully it translates into, "I will know the results or your comprehensive exams then, and you will have passed."

I have a new pet theory that I am trying to puzzle out. I think that when people want advice they go to other people that they KNOW will give them the advice they are interested in receiving. For example, my handsome husband is keen on procreating. So did he go to any of his friends that do not have kids...NO he goes to the beaming new dad in his office with the perfectly behaved baby. It has almost gotten to the point where when his car pulls up in the driveway I hear "Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby B-A-B-Y!" to the tune of Batman.

I want to say, but we had a deal. We got married under the agreement of NO CHILDREN. Now you want to go and change the rules. He and I had a great talk about it yesterday. I wanted all his cards on the table, and I showed all of mine. Basically, he can't imagine not having a child with me, he thinks we (read: he) will regret the decision once it is too late, he wants our family to be complete, he doesn't want to be a grandpa dad. Here are my cards: I didn't get (almost get...still in progress) a Ph.D. so that I could sit home with a child, I am scared of the pain, I have battled an eating disorder all of my life and am worried pregnancy and being fat could trigger it, I like our childfree lifestyle, I am plenty fulfilled with work, school, and research. Unfortunately, society has taught me that I should be embarrassed of my reasons.

Work threatens to collapse around my ears and suffocate me. At least that is how I am feeling about it this morning. I have so much to do; I don't even know where to begin. I am procrastinating even starting. :( I hate when I get underwater like this.