Better a serpent than a stepmother! Euripides

Let's look at Stepmoms! The really famous ones. ;)

Cinderella's stepmom- Describe her in 3 adjectives. Evil, Selfish, Stingy

In classic literature the best way to describe the stepmom is Wicked! Unfortunately I just don't fit the Wicked bill. For one I don't have those fantastic eyebrows that are required for being wicked. I am blond so even when my eyebrows are waxed to perfection they are still very white impossible to see. I think you need fantastic dark eyebrows to really pull off wicked with aplomb.

Note the Fantastic Eyebrows ...thin but with a perfect arch

The job description stepmothering is one of the worst, because it is based on a lie. The lie is that you will be a mother of some sort. And there really aren't any rules here. People get uncomfortable on occasion if you are a stepmother with out a brood of your own such as myself. Carol Brady...I am not. For example, I went to the pottery store to sign SD up for camp. The lady said, "You should sign up for a mother daughter lesson...it is for mothers and daughters but stepmoms are welcome too... it will give you time to bond." I looked at here and said in my mind, "I don't need a reason to bond with her. I love her." Out-loud I said, I will think about it.

I really don't get on to my stepdaughter very often. I leave that for her father, who hates it that I am always putting that off on him. But his relationship with her is cemented by blood, and mine although strong is now and will always be water. After all, SD needs to eat her veggies. She needs someone to take her math homework seriously. She needs to say m'am when she is in Mississippi. BUT I spend the bulk of the day with her, and I try for this firm but kind balancing act.

She already has a mother, and I'm not her mother, and no matter how deserving or undeserving she is or I am, I never will be. (She is very deserving, and I am just speaking hypothetically). SD knows it, I know it. Stepmother's don't represent good things for children. When I married SD's father it meant that SD could not have her father and mother back together without somehow getting me out of the picture. (This would not have ever happened, but stranger things have admittedly occurred). SD was mad at me two days before my wedding to her father. She was angry because it meant that her mom and dad would not get back together. I kindly explained that was not to be, but she thought it was all my doing. (It wasn't I didn't come along until several years after the divorce was final).


That conversation was not something I was prepared for. SD's parents have been split up as long as she can remember like when she was six months old. When I dated her father she was excited...loved me and always wanted me around. But kids think differently sometimes, and I was surprised when she felt like I was taking her dad away.

Also I changed the dynamic for the relationship with her father. Her dad has a tendency to spoil her...(I do too, don't get me wrong). But I try to moderate the spoiling so it is bearable. Also now that I am permanently in the picture what I think counts too. She is very much a daddy's girl constantly cuddling and demanding his attention, but she gets very jealous of the attention he lavishes on me as well. We are newlyweds after all (3 years), and very much in love and affectionate. We wink at one another and hold hands, while canoodling on the couch or quick kisses on the cheek! She wants to stay up late (we stay up late here) and be part of our every waking moment. It hurts her feelings when I have to talk to her dad alone. Even when it has nothing to do with her.

She used to live 6 hours away from her dad. A mere 45 minute plane ride away. I moved her dad from West Texas to Mississippi. I highjacked him away. She doesn't blame me I don't think. But it was my doing. I intend to bring him back, and move him right back into her town. She loves Mississippi and wishes we would stay here....but does that make me Wicked?

I look a little younger than I am. Say 27 to my 31 so with an 11 year old stepdaughter I l0ok like I had her when I was in high school. People give me that LOOK. Also I have a different last name than her and her dad. I know that is my own fault and something I could easily change, but I don't want to. I have ALWAYS said I was keeping my name. I like my name, and I am keeping it. This bothers her. She asks me constantly when I will change it. I always explain I am not. I wonder why this is an issue to her. :( I wish it didn't bother her.

I used to go to the grocery store and buy funky things like edamame, racks of lamb, fresh curry spices and star fruit. Now I buy carts full of cereal and hamburger and juice boxes. Because SD doesn't eat curry although she loves Star Fruit. When you buy random things at the grocery store clerks ask what are you making. Your cart is intriguing. When you buy green beans and kid cuisine no one asks what you are making.

She forgets some of the things I have taught her how to do. I make amazing spaghetti. I have taught her how to tell the difference between real pearls and fake (something my grandmother insisted all southern women should know). Yet she can't remember some of those things. However she does remember some of the things I taught her. My family's very secret recipe to Fried Chicken. How to set a perfect table, and create a fantastic centerpiece. That a salt and pepper shaker should never be divorced when passing to someone. Why and how you can say almost anything you like if you say it in a nice tone and add M'am.

Finally the math. Last year she was having trouble in school. I was exhausted and depressed with my own education. She was acting bad, lying and just in general getting in trouble. I cried to my husband one night. I was projecting into the future. If she is making C's in the fourth grade she is never going to get into Auburn. So I committed to spending 2 hours a day every day last summer teaching my stepdaughter math. It was tough, and there were tears, but it is one thing I am very proud of. She made STRAIGHT A's the WHOLE YEAR THIS YEAR. I can't take credit for that and wouldn't want to. But it was great. I don't think the math skills had anything to do with it. However my careful discussions about opportunity costs might have sunk in. She doesn't want to do math this year. She remembered that lesson.

She brings me a lot of joy. I love my SD. We have a better relationship than some other stepfamilies. She comes today, and I can't wait for her plane to arrive.