Postpartum Depression....ok I haven't had a baby. However I have been having some interesting feelings since Thursday that I don't know how to describe. I turned in my paper to my advisor and I felt fantastic for like 2 minutes. Then I started having this sad kind of feeling. I realize that I am not DONE yet. But I just…I have worked so hard for this for 4 years.
If you have asked me who I was over the last 4 years I would have told you that I was a Ph. D. student. I didn’t say wife, daughter, stepmom, sister, college professor. I said Ph. D. student. That means I am going to have to re-reference myself…somehow. I am excited that I am almost done. But this small part of me is depressed. I don’t really understand where it is coming from I thought I would be on cloud nine.
I am ecstatic that the end is so near. I wouldn’t rewind for any reason; nevertheless I kind of want to have a chat with my feelings and say “This is what you have worked such a long time to achieve. It has cost you so much for the last 4 years. You have had to spend your time, money…it has at times hurt your relationship with your husband, stepdaughter, mother and father, and friends…it has costs you your health at times. Now you are on the cusp of finishing! It is time to celebrate! Get happy!”
Monday, February 2, 2009
Don't bunt. Aim out of the ball park. Aim for the company of immortals. David Ogilvy
Posted by IPG at 9:09 PM
Labels: Marriage, Ph D Student
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 Mad Ramblings:
You know I've never told you that I really like how you start all your postings with quotes. Pretty cool.
Sometimes when we immerse ourselves in projects, that's all we can think about. Then when it's over (or almost over), there's a bit of depression because that's how we've defined ourselves for so long.
Leaving a job can do the same thing. I've always read that men's identities are tied up in what they do and when retirement comes along, it's a major kick in the butt because they don't know who they are, just what they've done all their lives.
I think it's sort of the same thing going on here. I went through that when I quit teaching in public schools. I had always been an elementary school teacher and had planned for that and worked for that all my life. When I had to quit for health reasons, there went my identity. I was till a mom and wife and so on, so forth, but my career was as much who I was as the rest of it.
I had to redefine my life in many ways. And in so doing, all my other roles in life were redefined as well. In good ways mostly.
Sorry to ramble ... there was a point in there somewhere!!
Congrats again!!
I don't remember when I started that quote thing. But I have always loved quotations. I think they are a great way of expressing myself. So I try to find one that is similar to how I am feeling or a topic I am thinking about. :)
I definitely think that is what I have going on with me. I am obviously very very bored because I have all kinds of time on my hands that I didn't have before. That is causing quite a bit of the negative feelings. :)
Post a Comment